That's how they do it in Italy!

2008/06/08 Blue Grotto 6324 Brookside Blvd Kansas City, MO 64113 Map My wife was hungry for some pasta and one of our favorite places for Italian is Carmens in Brookside. Alas, it was Sunday and they are closed but I noticed the place that had been under construction had a hand-lettered sign advertising that they were open at 6 p.m. We slipped across the street and peered into the large windows into the Blue Grotto. It is located between Domo and the Brooksider. We weren't sure what type of a place it was, beyond one that clearly serves alcohol. We stepped in and it had nice look to it with a long dark bar and naked wood tables set across from it. Very modern to my savage eye. We asked the hostess at the far end whether they served food and my spidey-sense went off when they described it as artisan pizzas but we were hungry so up we went. Their literature says it heats the dough to 900 degrees Fahrenheit and it was an impressive structure. The dining area is located at the back end of the bar and above the wood-fired oven. The tables were in the same motif as the bar area, dark tables of naked wood. Two things immediately struck me. The first was a constant blast of icy cold air from the ductwork aimed directly at our table. I am a polar bear so it did not bother me but other patrons got up and actually asked for them to do something about the coolness. I can only assume that is what the family was doing as the wife and small girl got up from the table and came back with a staffer while the father sat there with the large linen napkins covering the head and shoulder that were facing the duct. We were leaving but it appeared they were getting seated elsewhere as the employee standing on a chair wasn't able to do much about it. The other thing that struck me was the noise! Hard surfaces are everywhere in the place and sitting at the back and top of a long narrow bar made me feel like we were on the edge of a phonograph horn. The menu was a simple slip of paper and sounded delicious. There were a trio of appetizers, first plates, as they referred to them. A trio of salads and then about ten pizzas. They were reasonably priced, 10-15 dollars as I recall which was a fine price-point for me. The final item on the menu was "NO SUBSTITUTIONS." We had already ordered beverages before we saw that. My wife had a nice glass of malbec and my son, 6, asked for an orange juice. My boy eats a far more varied diet than I did but he's still a child and the sausage (salsiccia) pizza sounded great, as long as they could arrange it such that the mushrooms and onions were only on half of the pie. I thought the margherita pizza sounded delicious as did the appetizers and the salads. Our waitress welcomed us with great news, two of the three appetizers were unavailable. This was 6:10 and they had apparently sold out of things or something, who knows. Salads then---they had a Greek which sounded good but not as good as the Ceaser and the blue. We placed orders for the latter two, the Margherita and then asked whether they could simply arrange the toppings such that one half is only sausage. > I'm sorry, we can't do substitutions. >> Yes, I see that. I'm not asking for a substitution. We want all the toppings, simply distribute them so that sausage is on one half. Make the other half use the rest of the ingredients. With a pained look on her face, she said she'd ask. It seemed such a harmless thing, as they're assembling the pizzas right there, they're not prepackaged but what do I know. As our waitress slips away, she says something about the pizzas may not come out at the same time. That's fine we assure her. Time passes, my boy downs his glass of OJ and we had let him know that he was only getting one glass. A waiter swings by and says I'll get you another juice and whisks the glass away. "Wow," I think, "they don't normally give refills on that sort of thing." Salads start appearing around us and I'm jealous in my anticipation of my wife's blue. It has an apple that is looks like it's been through a shoe-string fry maker. My glass kept going empty, they use a tall but very narrow glass and the staff wasn't always upstairs. Tall and narrow had me a bit nervous with my boy as even though he is 6, accidents do happen so kept a close eye on him and his glass. At least mine was going dry due to my own efforts whereas my wife's glass started at 1/3 full. Not half as my uncultured self would expect but less than. Of course we just laughed about it and made cracks about the glass being half full, half empty. Fully an hour later, our pizzas arrive, both at the same time. Well, eventually they arrive. The person delivering them, I can only assume the owner/manager as he was dressed differently stopped by every table and asked whether this pizza was theirs. People that had sat down after us, ordered after us had their salads already and we were a little tired of waiting for anything so we let this person know that we wanted to cancel the salads as we are no longer interested in them. He gives us this look of disgust at the stupid customers and says, "well, that's how they do it in Italy" and huffs off. My wife and I share a look of "Did that just happen?" It's our fault that we don't like being poorly attended to and choose to not eat salad as dessert? They do substitutions there as our sausage and other things pizza was substituted to be just sausage. My pizza with it's torn basil was less than stellar. The dough wasn't bad but and there was just too much of a bad taste in my mouth to really enjoy it. The sausage was fine but didn't strike me as anything great. Our waitress apologized about the salads once she finally showed up, we didn't mention the sausage as we had already given up on the place. The bill came and I was so eager to get out I just handed her my card. Of course that was a mistake as the salads were still on there. They were having troubles with their credit card machine so there were not copies for us but we could take the ticket home and she assured me that they fixed it all. I said that's fine, I trust you. I'll also be checking my online bill and happily disputing the charge if it's incorrect. So, in summary looking for poor service, marginal food and snotty attitude? The Blue Grotto is a great hole I won't be climbing into anytime soon. And remember, any time you mess up, claim "that's how they do it in Italy!"